Screw Your Life Advice

It’s been a busy few weeks: I took a trip with my boyfriend to celebrate our anniversary, I’ve been working and rehearsing non-stop (we perform at the end of next month!), and there have been many frequent trips to IKEA since I got accepted into uni. I didn’t anticipate how much there was to buy; thankfully a lot of my family have come through and bought the bulk of stuff (#blessed).


Despite all of the excitement and wonderful weekends spent doing lovely things, I’d been feeling a bit like crap on a stick for a while. And like anyone with access to wifi and a working internet, I tried to find the answer as to why I felt so down in the dark depths of the internet. I didn’t know why I felt like that, because there was nothing really causing it. As I trawled through the internet, there were countless Cosmo articles, think pieces online, and self-help quizzes to look through . . . And they were all bollocks.


There was a trend of articles and social media posts designed to inspire, motivate, and relate to all of us twenty-somethings currently riding through life. But am I the only one who finds them tiring and completely irrelevant? I feel like I’m being battered over the head with lists like “20 things to do before you’re 20”, or “How to live your best life in your 20’s”. It feels like I’m being lectured for living my life the wrong way. And they’re all the same, the same boring points about letting people go, taking opportunities, and travelling outside of your postcode.


All of these points are completely valid! Yes, let toxic people go! Seek the job you want! Ask out the person you like! Try and travel as much as you can!


But all of these lists and articles and think pieces never deter from the same, overdone structure. The Cosmo article about ~exploring~ your sexuality whilst you’re still young and wild in your twenties ignores the fact that you can explore your sexuality at any point in your life. There are people realising their sexualities at the age of 99 (high five to the trans army veteran, what an inspo). Being with the same partner for all of your twenties isn’t depriving you of sexual fulfillment — if you don’t tick every box on the sex bucket list, newsflash! That’s okay! It’s not a bad thing if you’re with the same person for all of your “young” years, just like how it’s totally okay to date lots of people in your twenties and have lots of sexual experiences. It’s not a competition. Stop telling me that these are my years to ~find~ myself sexually — I already found myself, and I didn’t need your condescending article to do it. Instead, let people decide what they want to do for themselves.


Not everyone can afford the time or money to travel. That’s a fact of life. There are ways to do it cheap, for as long or as little as you like. I applaud and am envious of all of my friends and colleagues who have taken some dazzling trips all around the world.


At my job, I have only a handful of weeks for holiday, and I have to book it off waaaaayyy in advance. I’m on a part time wage, which isn’t enough to afford a plane ticket unless I save for a year. And my parents are the protective sort — they would have never let me galavant off to Sweden to go inter-railing on my own, or even with friends. That kind of thing would take lots of bargaining, pleading, and probably even then still wouldn’t happen. The circumstances are different for everyone; fear of flying, financial difficulty, young children, being a carer, school, work. Let’s stop guilting people for not being take the same opportunties as others.


Everyone’s experiences with uni, school, friendship groups are all different. The issue I have with these articles is that they’re all generic and apply to only one type of experience.


Everyone has their own lesson to learn in life — but the lessons are their own, and we are left with wisdom applicable to our own life. We may be able to impart that wisdom to someone in a similar situation, but those feelings and experiences will never be exactly the same.


It’s always reassuring to know that we’re not alone. It’s why I went looking for help in the first place, and I’m sure these articles provide that reassurance. But they’re not a Bible, 10 Commandments-style guide to how to live your best life. I promise, you’re not wasting your 20’s if you haven’t had the same sexual experiences as your friends, or you only have a few close acquaintances as opposed to a banging #squad, or that you haven’t visited Bali or Amsterdam yet. There will be a time for all of that — and it doesn’t have to be right here, right now.